About 10 years ago, God spoke to me very clearly to let go of the rope that I was clinging to. I had a strong grasp of my past and everything that I had at that very moment, which I thought was my world and my everything.
Whatever that I had been going through, the mental, emotional and physical abuses that I allowed to torment my mind and thoughts; I believe that I had no hope in the future. I was stuck in a rut.
I had 5 life pillars that defined me, which was my family, my career, my church / ministries, my health and my personal life.
Though I was serving hard in church and other ministries, I felt empty and unappreciated of what I do. My parents were not supportive of me serving, which meant I had to secretly serve and I lived under the shadows. I accepted that I will always be serving in the background with no acknowledgement and appreciation. My focus was serving for God and no one needed to know except God.
My relationship with my family was in a very bad state as I had a lot of resentment and unforgiveness due my childhood upbringing; yet I was trying very hard to achieve my best in my career so that they would be proud of me. The harder I tried to prove myself, the further I was from achievement.
Unfortunately, I was having a lot of issues at work at the same time too. My superiors were placing tremendous pressure and expectations on me. The programmers that were working with us just left out of a sudden, literally overnight; which left me alone to hold the fort and to resolve the issues.
I was greatly stressed, depressed and was experiencing burn out symptoms. My health deteriorated terribly. Soon after, I was diagnosed with womb cysts and I was in tremendous pain for a couple of years. I was not financially well to do and I did not want to burden my family with cysts removal operation costs. Besides, I could not afford to go for the operation because I had projects that were due for launch.
My world crumbled overnight since I was diagnosed with womb cysts. My five life pillars were crumbling down. My personal life is nowhere as whatever I do, I had to do so secretly and alone. I had no close friends, not involved in romantic relationship, and I thought that my family and colleagues did not care for me. I was insecure, depressed and I lost hope to keep alive.
About a year later, as I laid down on the bed in the doctor’s room, physically dealing with the excruciating pain that I could barely walk properly anymore, whilst mentally fearing that the doctor might discover that I have cancer and that I would die soon; I spoke to God to just to take my life immediately and painlessly as I believed that I deserve to die.
However, unbeknownst to me, God has other plans. As I re-surrendered my life to God and literally, totally surrendered my whole being to God, God was performing many miracles that enabled me to start afresh with new hope.
Firstly, God miraculously healed me. The cysts disappeared. I had eczema skin disease since I was a child, and it suddenly left my body. So many miracles happened one after another.
But all these happened not because I did anything worthy. It was by the grace of God that He was merciful enough to save me from the pit and change my life around.
It was not an overnight change. It took time. It took obedience. It took FAITH.
One special night, God gave me a vision. I was clinging tight onto a rope, whilst trying to jump from one mountain cliff to another. God specifically told me to ..
“Let Go and Let God…”
I struggled and tried to cling on as tightly as I could but eventually I have to make a decision to let go of everything and let God take control. In obedience and with bold faith, I let go of one pillar after another, and step into new pillars of life.
I was miraculously healed and my health got better over time. My relationship with my family was restored and improving over time. I resigned from my full-time job and started own business by faith with God as my provider. I changed church and got involved in new ministries. As a bonus, I met my husband and got married!
So many things have happened since 10 years ago.
It’s not an easy ride and there are still challenges from time to time. The difference between then and now is, am no longer alone. God is with me and He is in control, with the condition that I let go and let God take control. 🙂
“Spirit Lead Me” song by Influence Music pretty much sums up what I had to do and allow God to take control.
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.”Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)